This Kitty of mine, residing in me, has failed me in all my efforts to silence it.
Kitty has its name as ‘Kitty’. Not that it has any resemblance to my neighbor’s blond cat, who always tries to seek attention by batting its coquettish eyes and little yawns. Neither does it has any association with the Kitty Party animal, Mrs. Kumar staying upstairs. Kitty is ‘Kitty’, for the ceaseless habit of its cacophonous Kit- Kit- Kit.
My endeavors to indulge myself in self elevation, in search of some piece of peace and hint of healing of my bruised and battered soul were of little help to quiet down this Kitty!
I tried taking the refuge under spiritualism, by chanting my prayers louder, so as to drown the voice of noisy Kitty, but it created more din in my head than peace. Somebody suggested me to train myself in positivity and mindfulness, through inspirational thoughts and videos. Lo and behold, I became the subscriber of ten plus channels and websites of GuruMas’ and GuruPas’, over and above the everyday gyan of Whats up. I started spending most of my time in clearing the junk in my mailbox and saving storage space of my phone by deleting the overload of messages and videos. Uff what an exhausting drill it turned out to be.
I even joined the tribe of nova intellectuals, Master life Coaches, carrying that all-knowing smile and twinkle in their eyes. Some even claimed to lead me to the threshold of Nirvana. I thought at last I have found the way to ignore this Kitty, which pops out again and again. But it seemed, that was not to be.
How much at times I want to be like my house-help Shanti, who conveniently culminates every chit chat on life with ‘the will of an Almighty ’, ‘His unknown ways’, and ‘the previous birth Karmas’. The moment a bit of me starts to melt over these mesmerizing ways of the ‘Kalchakkar’ we all are entangled in, this Kitty starts jumping, knocking on my nerves and thumping on my heart. It brings me back to the realms of reality, rationality, and reasoning. It challenges me to stay positive amidst all that unfair and unjust things happening around.
Well I tried to buy some relief and shut this kitty up by pulling out my ace card, which we all fit in, in the unknown unexplained sequences of life’s Rummy, and that is placing the blame on ‘Destiny’.
This destiny explanation did not satisfy the Kitty. It showed me all those bold tabloids, testimonial to the brutal murder of destiny. Kitty tugs me and expects me to explain, whether a prospective medic, Nirbhaya was destined to be a Doctor or a victim of barbaric gang rape? Innumerable mob lynching incidents are, what? The destiny of the victims, or the destiny of self-styled saviors of the national culture? A young soldier destined to guard the borders was killed in his own homeland, was that a fair destiny?
The vacant eyes of a Lieutenant’s mother, tired feet of Nirbhya’s parents, or the ill-fated victims of mob-lynching, were some of the bare realities, Kitty wanted me to explain the ‘destiny mantra’. I had nothing to take shelter in, nothing to counter Kitty. It showed me a nude mirror, making it difficult for me to keep my equanimity.
However I still did not want to give up soon, so I counter questioned my Kitty, by asking, ‘Well, where the Kitty of those culprits who indulge in inhuman feats is?’ My Kitty could not hold its emotions, a tear trickled down from its eyes and it said, ‘You know the compartment where their Kitty resides is hallow, completely empty, as they have killed their Kitty long time ago’. Kitty departed on this note and took a promise from me, not to kill it ever.
Is your Kitty alive??