Love and separation, hope and despair comes hand in hand, but not always. In some people’s life love conquers all and then invites separation.
This reminds me of a character, a very important character of Tagore’s life- Kadambari (Tagore’s sister-in-law). Like most Indians, I had grown up hearing about Tagore, reading his poems and short stories in my textbooks but when I came to know about this particular woman in his life from my mother and later when it was adapted on screen by director Suman Ghosh, I started admiring her- her nature & her character which shines through for its relevance and ideas far ahead of its times. So different from what I had heard or seen before. She couldn’t be fit into black or white categories of the “sanskari bahu” of a royal Tagore family.
There are few other characters I loved – Binodini, Charulata, Mrinmoyee, Mrinal, Suman who challenged the society they lived in but somehow I feel a strong connection with the woman in his life, the love of his life- Kadambari.
Love seems easy at times, two people meets accidentally and it just happens but the route to the destination is always the hardest. Sometimes there’s no destination. Love is not just a beautiful feeling but there’s something more to it. No body could explain that and it includes me too. It’s tough to define that ‘ultimate’ feeling. We can always find love in conversations, in that first sight, smile on his or her face while looking at you, sarcasms and in the two most beautiful places of this world- poems and music.
Just like Kadambari found!
They say it ain’t that easy to find true love and that beautiful feeling, I say it’s not. In the last few years, I found my true love in our conversations, poems I have shared with him.. Music, most importantly. The particular lines in those songs always expressed my feelings which I couldn’t express in words. Just like their love for each other was alive in these beautiful things, my love for him too started growing in these ethereal space. With the passing time, with the magic of music those hidden feelings came out and it was absolutely vivid that I am in love. That unknown feeling gave birth to a new word called ‘Love’ . The love became life! Never knew that little four letters word can be this strong! Never knew it’s such a beautiful feeling if we see it this way! As they say, it’s all about perspective, how we see things. We both expressed all our feelings through those love songs. What a beautiful musical journey it was! This kind of feeling comes once in a lifetime and teaches us a lot about love, life and many more things. It makes us a different person. It helps us to understand ourselves, understand love. Gives a new perspective to life. It is that feeling where you want to get lost in it happily with each passing day and see a new you everyday. That colour of love on your face. It is that phase when you find beauty in your anger and smile even when you are upset.
But when the separation steps in, it takes a very little time to shadow on those dreams, just like clouds darken the shiny bright sky on a rainy day. The day becomes gloomy and the tears rolls down the cheeks like rains outside. And there’s no ending. We try to find that person in the darkness who already left you there. That fight against everything to find him out! In this battle often we loose ourselves. The moment when the situation seems hopeless, we loose the battle. When there’s nothing coming from his side, that positive vibe stops. Every hope, every feeling takes a different route ignoring the destination- it breaks you into pieces. It becomes terrible to tolerate to see something precious which grows in front of your eyes and then splits.
Kadambari couldn’t tolerate, she left a letter behind for her loved ones before her death saying she didn’t loose anything. The best thing she could do for the one she loved was just let him be, set him free. Sometimes walking away is the right option even though it feels like it’s not. In order to keep the person you love from falling apart, sometimes you have to let them go. She choose death but I survived. I finally understood love meant that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter what. I loved him enough to walk away. It kills me to know he don’t see it. All I could do now is give him the space. Love doesn’t always means to get something from it or it ain’t an achievement, sometimes it’s all about looking beyond that for the happiness of another person.