The local trains were whizzing past. They are the lifelines of the busy city of Mumbai. It would take less than two seconds to look at the people who would be climbing on that train with you. Even less to look at what was happening around. But there was no time as everyone had their own races. No one looked at me nor did I. I felt comfortable being inconspicuous this way. There was continuous chattering, above which the droning voice of the train announcer would pass. All this floated over me as I was busy trying to save my broken relationship and with it, myself.
I stood at that usual platform from where I used to always catch my train. As I dialled his number again my heart beats thumped a little louder. My face tensed and my eyes were burning. I felt as if I was going to cry. I felt the weight of my heart and a pain as if it was about to break me into many bits. I knew he would have reached home. How could I not? I knew every minute detail of his life. He had become my everything since the past few months. He made me smile, laugh like crazy and taught me to let go of my inhibitions. He had promised to be my friend, lover and soul mate forever.
I prayed that he would pick up my call. My mind was playing a see-saw game with me, wondering whether he would pick or not pick. So it was okay, we had a messy fight. We had thrown a slew of insults at each other. Thinking that we did know each other so well, we took the liberty and fought. It went badly wrong. It created a distance which I was trying to cover somehow.
I was sure this was nothing. He would call me soon one day and meet me as usual at our hangout. We would catch up another movie together; hold hands and steal a kiss or two. We would gossip, joke and fool around. But he never called me.
I was sure it was just a passing nightmare. His anger, his indifference and silence. He had told me I was and would always be his world. How could one ignore his own world?
My unsteady hands held on to the phone tightly as if expecting some help in saving our relationship. He finally picked the call.
The familiar voice which meant everything to me said, “Hello”.
“Can we meet? Let’s talk as we used to before.” It was my voice now, almost crying.
He didn’t bother to ask how was I doing. Or where was I calling from. His familiar warmth was missing. It was a reply colder than ice. “I told you not to call me. There’s nothing to say to each other”.
My dreaded fears were unravelling as he spoke these words. It had become futile to remind him these days, that whenever I tried to call up and speak to him earlier, he told me how much he loved me.
But the suffering was yet to continue. The misery of my inevitable heart break was to dawn and crush me in its wake. That was done with his final statement. “It’s all over.” The phone was disconnected with a click at the other end.
Now his voice too was no longer mine to listen. That final sentence was still lingering in my ears. As I waited for my train, tears were streaming unashamedly.
Around me at this railway station people were busy moving, walking and catching their trains. The cacophony was so normal. Everything was going on perfectly as it was meant to be. Nothing was wrong.
Just that some dreams blossomed fast together only to be crushed as soon. Some feelings and emotions never ever reached their destination. Many promises were made and every one of them had been broken. Some doubts lingered. Was it really love or was it lust or just a passing attraction ? Was it something never meant to be ? Some questions that wanted to remain unanswered.
To the world it was just another break up, as usual.