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Heartbreak

About Rakesh

Rakesh Pandey is an engineer by qualification and a Manager with Microsoft by profession. Basically from the holy city of Benaras, he’s settled in Bombay. He is not much of a talker and being an introvert, he is usually lost within himself.

When things become sour, he either picks up his flute, pen or fists, in that order. Music, writing and boxing are his Guardian Angels, who always rescue him and prevent any sort of mischief, which is his wont to indulge.

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I was madly in love with her.

Some relationships are beyond comprehension to our minute minds. Like God, they don’t really exist but they permeate the entire universe and its inhabitants. We can feel them but can’t name or define them. It’s beyond our feeble understanding. Then, in our utter confusion, we blame certain chemical reactions in our brains to be responsible for them and call them by the glorious name of love.

I and Jyotsna were in such a relationship. I wasn’t worthy of her. She was elegant, stately and looked like a beautiful and dainty princess. Whenever she smiled, she lit up the gathering gloom of life. She dressed like a model, had a sweet temperament and a ready smile for everyone.

I, on other hand was exactly her opposite. Whereas she was a stately empress, I was an ugly gnome. She had a voice like a mellifluous wind chime which caused hearts to flutter, mine was grating and harsh. She had an hourglass figure and I was ungainly with limbs like sticks. I never would have dreamed of winning her smile, let alone her heart.

Destiny is a mischievous nymph and is always full of surprises and shocks. My meeting with Jyotsna was just an accident. She was arguing over some trifle with a shopkeeper in the busy market, while I was passing by. I was going to intrude, till then she threw the wares at him and stormed off. I was simply enchanted by her and followed her to where she lived. I tried to talk to her. She initially ignored me and then got interested as I was very funny. I know a lot of tricks which people admire. In my long and eventful life, I have had many opportunities to learn a lot of things. I used my unbeatable armory of tricks to entice her and was rewarded by her affection. Impossible that it sounds, she fell in love with an ugly brute like me.

These unromantic scientists compare love with boring chemical reactions, which can be jotted down on a piece of paper. But those who have experienced this heavenly emotion know how euphoric a whirlwind romance can be! You get hurt and break, but you still don’t relent. You adore everything related to your lover. You remember the smallest thing associated with your love. It’s only after marriage that a temporary amnesia attacks the lovers and makes them forgetful. I think, marriage is a bigger enemy of love than the cruel world. Anyway…

I was beyond myself, hardly able to believe in my luck, I went around in a golden daze! I wanted to wear her on my lapel, but I didn’t have a coat. I wanted to sing love songs written on her, but I was not a poet. She made me forget my ugliness. In fact, she adored my scarred and broken face! We met every day. I was always absorbed in her inane, never ending chatter, although not understanding half of it. Then I took a bold step and moved in with her. Based on my past experiences, I was sure that I’ll be spurned, but she accepted me as if she was hoping for my company. It was a dream come true! But, dreams are what they are: just a surreal image of our innermost desires. Dreams are meant to be dashed.

I was living in a heaven when he intruded in our life.

Dr. Shailesh was a tall and handsome looking guy. He was very witty. Had a beautiful voice and was very rich with great manners to boot. He was everything I was not. In addition, he met her everyday and loved her. I could see it in his eyes.

For the first time in our little and strange love life, Jyotsna got angry on me because of him and asked me to go away. She slammed the door shut on my face. I begged her to not to hate me. She finally allowed me to stay on the condition that I will never object to him as he was her best friend. I didn’t have any options. I stayed in the distant hope that she will realize some day that no one in the world can love her more than me.

Persian poet Abdurrahim Khankhana has said that love, cough, alcohol and blood cannot remain hidden, however hard one tries to camouflage them. It was soon evident that they are in love and are planning to marry each other. I was ablaze with jealousy. I went berserk with the storm brewing in my angry but helpless mind. I tried to woo her away from Dr. Shailesh, but I was no match for the handsome Apollo. The tricks which had wooed her initially failed to win her again. Jyotsna initially started shouting at me, then ignored and hated me. The process of shutting me out was becoming frighteningly frequent now and her resistance to my begging increased.

On that fateful day when he came to her, I could see the love for him in her eyes. I got very angry. All my life, I had lived in gutter and was not willing to allow this sweet talking charmer to snatch away the reason of my life. I decided to attack and kill that damned doctor. Jyotsna came in between us. White with anger and hatred, she slapped me and kicked me out. Her door shut on my face with a despairing finality. I sat numb for a few hours, then started begging her to come back.

Deep in my heart I knew that this door will never open again. But, I was unwilling to accept that her love for me can die before the glamour of this charismatic doctor. After all, wasn’t I always willing to fight and die for her? Wasn’t I honestly loyal and fiercely protective about her? Didn’t I love her more than even her parents did? I was wrong. The door didn’t open, even though I opened my heart. I cried and screamed in that dismal night. Startled and indignant birds cursed me to be quiet. I finally left with a broken heart.

I was a stupid fool! I didn’t realize that a beautiful woman cannot marry a dog, however it loves her. We canines can be a woman’s best friend, but never a spouse.

I whined and barked at the waning moon once then put my scrawny tail between my hind legs and slunk off in the dying night, towards my gutter…

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19 Response Comments

  • Aparna Mondal30/01/2019 at 8:38 AM

    What a beautiful story it is with a twist . Can’t appreciate more !! Loved it !

  • Aparna Mondal30/01/2019 at 8:57 AM

    The end of the story is too good Could not even imagine that it’s a dog who is the narrator ! 👏👏! What a writing skill and fluidity . I just love all your stories . Superb !

    • Rakesh31/01/2019 at 9:28 PM

      It’s an honor, you know! 🙂

  • Bishakha Moitra30/01/2019 at 1:40 PM

    Wow what a brilliant story. A dog’s tale of love. For not a second I guessed that the narrator is a dog until I reached the very end. The narration is flawless nd what a superb flow. Till the time I was like reaching the end but before the ending, before I came to know its a dog’s tale i started finding it a little boring nd same old love lost-torment saga. But it all made sense at the end. Loved it. Starting was beautiful. Another gem from you. Enjoyed reading it thoroughly.

    • Rakesh31/01/2019 at 9:44 PM

      #MissionAccomplished

      The goal here was to sprinkle hints and then twist brutally at the end. Succeeded. #DemonicLaughter

      1. There’s no dialog, though reminiscences.

      2. The Lady doesn’t raise an eyebrow when the protagonist decides to live in with her. Bajrang Dal bawal nahi karega? We are Indians, you know? We have an Official Aunt who monitors how we sleep. Wish it monitored how we die! 😔

      3. He knew a lot of tricks. (unfortunately it’s true for me.)

      4. He dreamed a lot. All dogs do. They chase rabbits. Actually, in my colorful life, I’ve been a dog trainer. Once owned a Rottweiler. After Jackie’s death in 2014, I own every dog in my complex. Dog psychology is eerily similar to a man. No. Not human. Man. Read closely. You will find the nuances.

      4. Well… Only a dog can stay after being kicked. 😔

  • Advait Berde30/01/2019 at 1:55 PM

    The story gets too dark to quickly, and the writer has one too many demeaning adjectives for himself. Though the gritty tale of love and separation calls for a sense of sympathy for the writer, the sheer exaggeration and emphasis on negativity of the story takes away the expectation of a “happy ending.” However sad the story might seem, the writer should have highlighted at least one silver lining in the dark cloud that he was in.

    • Koral Dasgupta30/01/2019 at 7:20 PM

      Advait, its the dog narrating the story. That’s the twist 🙂

    • Advait Berde31/01/2019 at 12:32 AM

      I mean, a street dog’s life can’t be that bad after all.. 🙂

    • Rakesh31/01/2019 at 9:54 PM

      Actually, Advait, I accept all the slaps. Guilty as charged.

      It’s too dark from the beginning. I slapped the protagonist so much ki agar wo government employee hota, to bhi naukri chhod deta.

      The only excuse here is, as Koral said, it’s a dog’s autobiography.

      My friend, when you are borne of an unknown father, when your mother abandons you after your birth, when you are kicked whenever you try to eat anything and are spurned by all and sundry, you are prone to get a jaundiced eye about the world and would consider a rainbow a curse, because it heralds rains, which will drench you.

      Street dogs are worse than an MNC employee. Probably this will answer your last accusation.

      It’s a life which I wouldn’t curse on my worst enemy, and I have many. 😀

  • Nidhi Jangid30/01/2019 at 6:14 PM

    The writer has maintained the flow of the story very well through his narration skills. Everything mentioned in the beginning can be related to the end of the story, which is quite unimaginable! Yet It touches the heart as it opens up the world of human love for animals also!

    • Rakesh31/01/2019 at 11:27 PM

      The writer also managed to make a fool of himself while ending this tale. But who can fathom the brain of such glorified minds, who don’t even know that end shouldn’t match the beginning or vice versa…

      The writer, according to me is an ass. The idiot told me something, which I know isn’t meant for me. He said, “Thank you, Nidhi!”

      Isn’t it funny? My name isn’t Nidhi too! 😀

  • Divyanshi30/01/2019 at 6:47 PM

    What a beautiful story with a sudden twist . For once i couldn’t realise that its the dog not a human narrating its love story. Loved reading this beautiful love tale.

    • Rakesh01/02/2019 at 12:01 AM

      Actually, that was the goal, ma’am! 🙂

      Don’t think that you can really appreciate the happiness of a writer, who finds his trap successful!

      Not unlike as a kid who managed to fool so many grown-ups!

  • Sunayana01/02/2019 at 4:17 AM

    This is so brutally dark. I have read all your stories and must confess that I hate this one from the core of my heart. I have adopted 3 dogs and mothered them like my babies. So, can read both, the psyche and emotions of a dog better than you, proudly saying. A dog is always better than humans when it comes to integrity and fidelity. How could you disgust its (his) love? And how wrong you were when you proved that a dog doesn’t have self respect?

    My mom frames great quotes on dogs, thought not much educated. Quotes like “Bacche aur kutte ek se hote hain”(both are innocent and react only when loved) and “Kutte ko bhi roti nahi phekte” (even a dog deserves to be fed with dignity). My baby (dog) refuses to eat when I leave food before her without coddling or pampering. A dog HAS self respect no less than humans, and sometimes more than them. My dog never attacks me even if I beat her, as she knows it’s for her benefit, which, even my kids fail to understand.

    How brutal it is to demean a dog’s love before a human, even if the lady was beautiful? How could you allow her to be so coldblooded? Do you think you are God? You know, some people treat others in the same manner in spite of knowing the true love, and it kills. I seriously hate this story for the same reason, read it thrice and wept for my love, the dog . And, did I tell you, you are a genius?

    • Rakesh01/02/2019 at 9:29 AM

      The beauty of being an artist is that we live just around the corner of God’s Street. We can create such paradoxical situations which even He can’t imagine. At times, we live our own fears through our creations. We create a scenario, which is impossible, and we invite the ire of a sensible person, who is scandalized by the flights of crazy fantasy.

      However, I beg to draw your attention to a moot fact that this is just a story and I didn’t mock the love of the poor canine. In fact, I’m all for it and always consider their love to be at a higher plane than that of us humans.

      Thank you so much for reading and investing your time in letting me know what you thought of this tale! 🙂

    • Sunayana02/02/2019 at 4:20 AM

      You are so right! We paint a piece of paper with our fears and insecurities so much so that it makes a scary picture called a story or a poem. The bigger the fear, the greater the God! You know, when I read this story for the first time, I kept myself at the place of the girl, Jyotsna and felt too proud (as if written for me). But, yesterday, when I read it last, I was at the dog’s place and cried. That was indeed brutal on your part.
      You make all your characters alive. Or, should I say, you play with real characters and then place them on paper.
      A raconteur par excellence, a wordsmith of great mettle, a creator of many a magnum opus BUT brutal to the core. 🙁

  • Divyanshi01/02/2019 at 5:49 AM

    A beautiful story and the twist was its best part. No one could have ever guessed its a dog’s love tale. Enjoyed reading the entire story and would love to read some more like this!

  • NANDANA DASGUPTA13/02/2019 at 10:14 PM

    You never cease to suprise us Mr. Pandey! What a remarkable turn of events it was. While reading the story, I could hardly imagine it to a ‘Dog’s Tale of Love’ but soon as I reached the conclusion, I couldn’t help but smile. But to be honest, We don’t really treat those creatures good, we demand we love them, but someway or the other fail to prove so. Anyway thanks for gifting us such a wonderful story once again. Kudos to you.

  • NANDANA DASGUPTA13/02/2019 at 10:15 PM

    You never cease to surprise us Mr. Pandey! What a remarkable turn of events it was. While reading the story, I could hardly imagine it to a ‘Dog’s Tale of Love’ but soon as I reached the conclusion, I couldn’t help but smile. But to be honest, We don’t really treat those creatures good, we demand we love them, but someway or the other fail to prove so. Anyway thanks for gifting us such a wonderful story once again. Kudos to you.

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